(translation: tjenare fluffbutts!)
If you haven't yet dried out your fur from last year, please step into our latest innovation, the blow-drying anti-shower chamber known as the Puntendo Drying Service (or DS for short). Then slip into some exquisite silk kimonos and come and sit by the table whilst our robot butlers perform the tea ceremonies. Rest awhile, let your gaze scan the paper walls upon which hang our collections of antique katanas, shogun armour and hello kitty plushies as they jostle for space with the albums of Mausiémon cards.
Whilst you inhale the scent of tea and think of the sushimi being prepared by our robot chefs, let our Storybot 300 regale you with our latest news (batteries not included; audiobook release: 2026).
Once upon a time, there was nothing but chaos in a void. Elements and particles floated endlessly in torrid nothingness. Out of this nothingness, a spark of life flared. It stirred and thrashed, made currents in the void. Then the particles, as particles do, began to drift – those of lightness, floated and became Heaven. Those that sank, became Earth.
Earth was nothing but an expense of soupy mud. But the spark of life, nourished by the mud, grew into a green shoot. This shoot rose higher and higher, taller and taller, until it reached Heaven. There, a god sprouted. Then this god, who soon found the pangs of loneliness that arise from being the one and only, created more gods. One of these gods, out on a stroll (probably taking exorcise), threw his staff into the mud. The mud cracked and split, its flatness decimated as great mountains arose, and seas flooded into the newly-carved valleys.
The islands of Japan were born. As millennia passed, and the stories became memory, which then faded into legend, humans inhabited these lands of high mountains and lush forests and turned them into a Magic Empire. Villages of wooden huts grew around temples, pagodas and palaces into great cities. Giant towers of steel and glass grew into forests themselves – maid cafés, tea houses, tranquil gardens and shinto temples rubbed shoulders with factories and warehouses. But other worlds have grown from this Magic Empire – worlds of spikey blue hedgehogs and spikey-haired lawyers – fantasy worlds where fat plumbers search for princesses in other castles and racing drivers never get speeding tickets.
While some of us have explored those outer realms, few of us have had the chance to visit the land of their birth. But in this modern age of high-tech gizmos that ensure we're never more than 3 seconds away from a video clip of a cute cat doing something silly, who has time to get on a plane and visit the place? Not us!
Instead, you can hop on a plane and be whisked away to a pastiche of Japan some like to call “Neo Olde Tokyo” - who those people might be, they're not us either, because we like to call it NordicFuzzCon 2017. The Chysanthemum Throne is being decked out in blue & yellow this year as it hits Stockholm, reigning over a plethora of anime, sci-fi, kung-fu and a smattering of shinto. Come and see all the delights of Japan, concentrated into the span of three to five days! (And as everyone knows, furries can concentrate harder than orange juice.)
We offer you a chance to see Stock- err, “Tokyo” as you've never seen it before.
(*Kimonos not guaranteed with hotel package deals.)